I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
