they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my shit smells like andre
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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