this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
