90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
