No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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