he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
