after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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