I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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