sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
