I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
