she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Shame - the story of my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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