I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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