we made out on top of his cat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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