So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
