I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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