why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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