is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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