Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
