don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
