you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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