it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
