I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
