Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
