I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
