The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
