Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even my farts smell like vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
