He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize