Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's the barista slut.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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