im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
