Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i will never coherently bang her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
