Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
