this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
