I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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