I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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