Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
porn star boner night. come get it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
