Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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