Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
