Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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