Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
