Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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