I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We need to rekindle our bromance
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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