bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
