so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
