Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
