her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
