"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
