HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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