That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
