i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
