Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
